I feel the horrors of my own n00bness

I sign up at long last, and find that I have no idea how to become a sponsor. Even the sponsorship FAQ does not help me. I don’t want to post anything in the forums, and I don’t want to sound like a n00b. Alas, I fear I am! I sit here and weep, hoping that something will save me from my ignorance.

In the meantime, I blame the site. There is no upgrade button! I swear, there is no upgrade button!